Right now Dr. Dre is probably the busiest that he's been since he graduated Musical Medical School.
This column is my "Detox." I know that by the end of reading it you'll probably be thinking "Charlie, this column was nowhere near as good as Detox would have been." Well, then just imagine if this column featured guest appearances by Eminem, Snoop Dogg and Kendrick Lamar and just rest assured that those would have been the best parts (just like a real Dr. Dre Album).
Enjoy.
PS: I don't mean to make fun of the women that have been assaulted by Dr. Dre, but we shouldn't feel bad for those ladies because I hear that they are going to start their own new line of women's only protective headphones called "Beaten by Dre." (Get it? Instead of "Beats by Dre"? Damn, that's one hard-hitting play on words).
By Charlie Spink
In the
wake of Dr. Dre becoming hip-hop's first billionaire, the
City of Compton is bestowing it’s highest honor on the Good Doctor.
For
those of you who haven’t heard the news, last week the Apple Corporation bought
the Beats by Dre headphone line for $3.2 billion dollars. It was the largest
corporate purchase that Apple has ever made and with Dr. Dre owning about one
third of the Beats by Dre-brand, Dre proclaimed via Twitter that he was now “At
Billionaire Status” #ballin!
Now
personally I don’t see why Apple would be spending so much on Beats by Dre
headphones. $3.2 billion dollars? That’s a whole lot of money man! For a pair
of headphones at $3.2 billion dollars, that’s $1.6 billion per ear. Damn, I
thought that they were over-priced when I saw them at Best Buy for $499.
Apparently $499 is a few billion dollars under market value for a pair of
premium studio quality headphones.
Anyways,
back to our regularly scheduled story. So after the announcement that their
favorite son has achieved billionaire status the mayor of Compton has decided
to award Andre “Dr. Dre” Young a Key to the City of Compton.
I think
that giving Dr. Dre a key to the City of Compton is a terrible idea!
Not
because I feel that Dre is a bad example for the youth of Compton, or that I
suggest that the City had “Forgot About Dre” until hearing that he had
resurfaced with Billionaire Status. I just don’t think that a Key to the City
of Compton makes much sense because nobody in the City of Compton uses keys to
open things.
Compton
has a notoriously small-town sized population, paired with a nationally
recognized big city crime rate. I think that instead of giving Dre a “Key to
the City of Compton” they should give him an award that’s more appropriate for
the Compton life style.
Like
instead of giving Dr. Dre a Key to the City of Compton, they should give him a
“Crowbar to the City of Compton” or “A Slim Jim to the City of Compton” or
better yet “A brick through the windshield to the City of Compton.” That would
be perfect!
What is
it that all of these Comptonians are trying to steal? Probably pairs of Beats
by Dre headphones. Those things are expensive man I hear that they go for like
Billions of Dollars. If the City of Compton, where they allegedly keep it
rockin’ (due to friction caused by making sweet California Love) can get their
act together and change their award to something more appropriate, then I’d
love to be there for the ceremony to celebrate “Dre Day” in person. Forget
being “Nothing But a G Thang” Dre has shown us that with enough dedication that
hip-hop can be “sumthang like a B Thang…Baby!” In this case the B is for
Billion.
The
chronic has blossomed and the After math is that Compton will be celebrating
the only billionaire that’s ever come straight out of Compton.
So if
any of you NWA’s out there were planning on attending the Dr. Dre ceremonies in
person, I have one question for you… can you “Let Me Ride?” (And as a follow-up question "Can I get a Hell Yeah?)
